The Blurb

How to shut a door

Saturday 28 August 2010  12.59 pm

In the latest of my little lessons in life, here is one that most of us need to be able to do every day.

We have different levels of ability when it comes to shutting doors.  Some of us are barely competent at the basic level, and getting in and out of our own house is something of a challenge.  Others of us are trying to reach the intermediate level, but as anyone like me who has got stuck (briefly) in one of those unmanned toilet cubicle things in the street knows, it's harder to achieve than you might think.

Ken Clarke, however, has clearly got to the high echelons of door shutting.  He recently claimed to be planning to "shut the revolving door of crime and reoffending".  But as any red-faced criminal who has got stuck in one after robbing a bank will tell you, nothing about revolving doors is ever as easy as it looks.
 
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Beating the crowds

Saturday 14 August 2010  10.47 pm

I went on a lovely stroll this evening, down the South Bank of the Thames in London as the sun set (and took this picture while I was there).  It was clear, still, beautiful, and chock full of tourists.

I thought of one way to ... er ... beat the crowds.  But I didn't mind actually.  Tourism is the sincerest form of flattery.  It's nice to live somewhere that people get excited about visiting.  Hey, I still get excited about living here.  The London Eye ... Big Ben ... all the greats, almost within reach.

As I walked I noticed two other things as well.  A sign with a letter missing was proudly advertising "Sightseeing Oats", which I eventually decided were too difficult to attempt to draw.  And "Philips and the National Theatre are working together to enhance their lighting and reduce energy consumption", apparently.  I know this because I read it displayed in huge moving blue letters from a little way down the opposite bank of the river.

Ah, the irony.
 
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Meet Bob.

Monday 9 August 2010  12.01 am

Don't be fooled by his ordinary name.  Bob can learn seventeen new TLAs ("three-letter acronyms") before breakfast, cope with a major paradigm shift at least once every six months, identify Comic Sans from twenty paces, and spot the odd one out between cleaning products Ajax, Flash and bleach (only the latter works without Javascript or plugins enabled).

When Bob isn't simultaneously answering his iPhone, Blackberry, Galaxy and iPad, shooting flaming arrows at Internet Explorer 6 evangelists, creating cookies in both the oven and the browser, tripping over accessibility hazards, holding peace talks between major world powers whose names both have five letters and begin with A, or crafting works of art worthy of New York, Paris and London, he is also a friendly, sociable guy who quite likes a game of tennis now and then.

You see, Bob has chosen the simple life.  Bob is a web designer.
 
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The lost

Sunday 25 July 2010  10.26 pm

A bit of a light-hearted cartoon this week, based on a lovely little phrase you hear churches use sometimes.  I started thinking, as I sat on a train one day, what a church with a "passion for the lost" might look like.  I have a few ideas, and here is one.

I take it when churches say "the lost" they don't mean people hopelessly gone forever, but merely those willing to question whether their sat nav of life really is telling them porkies, and ask for directions.  Quite often Christians get lost too.  Even those with full colour church maps.
 
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The truly in-tents experience

Saturday 17 July 2010  10.46 pm

It's festival season.  Holiday season.  Camping season.  And the shops are full of tents.  I might even buy one myself as I'm thinking of going under canvas for a night or two.  There's something alluring about living the truly simple life - just you, a tent, a sleeping bag and some basic essentials.  Everything you need on your back.  Just like a snail.

You can even make camping thoroughly middle-class if you want to.  With the simple addition of a tent with a dining area, a patio table and chairs, a mini fridge, a barbeque, a small generator, a couple of hampers of cutlery, crockery and food, a set of camp beds and a gazebo, you really can live the simple life in style.

Just don't try to put that lot on your back!
 
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